hooooo..dah lama x memberontak di sini.
byk benda berlaku, byk yg dipendam..byk benda yg terpaksa dipikirkan..dunia, dunia..
first worst thing for 2013 is TEAR. I really hate cry, tapi..sebab aku manja, yes..need to admit it..mmg manja, bila kena sikit..nangis, nangis..;(
yesterday is the worst day for me. org lain sedang happy dok buat foodservice, aku dok nangis kat sini. that darn pakcik, berani serang aku time aku tgh bagi talk. agak-agak la pakcik. kalau pakcik tnya soklan psl talk yg saya bagi..saya xkesah..tapi, pakcik dok tanya soklan yg saya xboleh nk jawab dan bahas dgn pakcik. pakcik nk complain, xpayah nk complain dkt saya. saya STUDENT je pakcik, saya xboleh buat hape-hape kalau pkcik complain kat saya. tetiba pakcik xpuas hati dgn kerajaan, pakcik luah kat saya. pakcik ingat saya ni ahli politik ke hape. saya makan gaji dgn kerajaan pon x. saya hanya diberi biasiswa untuk melanjutkan pelajaran. saya xsuka bila pakcik tanya soklan berbaur politik..sebab saya anti-politik. dan saya xnak hamek tahu walau sebesar zarah pon pasal itu. saya xkesah lah org nk ckp saya bodoh ke hape, duduk dlm dunia sendiri ke hape.. saya xkesah. we never know who's right and wrong. DUNIA...
bila pakcik serang saya dpn ramai2 org, sya tergamam..sy xtahu nk jawab mcm mana..pada awalnya confident level saya menggunung, selepas tragedi tu sehingga saat akhir talk diberi..saya tabahkan hati, tahan dan lawan perasaan sedih saya..teruskan bagi talk walaupun suara dah mula sebak..saya sabar..walaupun mata saya dah berair tunggu saat air mata nk mengalir je..bila keluar dari bilik tu je, air mata saya terus mengalir..mcm air terjun pakcik.. sampai teresak-esak saya nangis sebab pakcik..pakcik org kedua yg saya ingat pernah buat saya nangis teresak-esak sampai mcm tu.
pakcik tahu..hati saya ni rapuh pakcik. kalau kena marah, perli, ejek..saya xmampu nk terima semua tu. pakcik dah rosakkan mood saya for the whole day. sampai bila saya nk tido malam pon, saya masih ingat apa mcm mana pakcik serang saya tu..bila saya nk cerita dekat boss, dia pulak mcm xberapa nk layan cerita saya. itu lagi buat saya frustrated teramat sangaaaat.
mcm mana saya nk cerita dkt org, nak try percaya dkt org bila x seorg pon yg sudi untuk pinjamkan telinga mereka untuk saya. setakat dengar sahaja tetapi tidak memahami pon xmemadai. DUNIA.. MEMANG LAH..
Sometimes, I keep my feeling to myself because it's so hard for others to understand it!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
It's suffocated, u know!
aaarrgghh..i don't know why I felt so suffocated right now. x sedap hati gila. entah kenapa..
Ya Allah, I hope nothing's bad happen.
Today is my first day attachment for foodservice. Punya la neves sebab hotak mmg blur bab2 foodservice. clinical pon fail. apa la skill yg aku ada sebenarnya.
One word. Agak STRESS ye di sini. I didn't expect that I will still handle clinical here instead of foodservice alone. Aku baru daydreaming nak enjoy sebab hanya "foodservice". No need to use hotak, just use keringat. tapi, what will happened we never know. sob, sob..
Dah la ketua jabatan mmg sgt baik dgn member aku yg attach kat sini before. Jeles melihat org yg pandai bergaul dan rapat dgn org lain. sedangkan aku, susah sgt nk mesra dgn org. urgh..stress di situ.
Dah la skill clinical x tip top jugak. tension bila akan di compare kan dgn org lain. Mereka best student, while I'm not.
Sorry to say that I didn't like how lecturer or whoever that assigned us for our placement for food service. Nampak sgt cam discrimination. Yes, I know that I'm not the best....
Sedih bila memikirkan..aku sgt berharap aku boleh jadi positive person. Bila kat depan org, aku yg galakkan mereka be positive. But, instead in my mind..it was really damn hard to be a positive person. Yes, it was one of the reason why I felt really suffocated right now. Feel like crying but there's no tears. "Open your mind" But, I don't know on how to open my mind. Enjoy the practical life. But, I don't know the exact way to enjoy it. Do not compare our self with others. But, people still keep comparing us with others.
"Don't be stress. Just go on with your life. No matter how good you're perform..no matter how best your placement was. Once you graduated later, only luck and rezeki from Allah that will make your different from others" - Super super senior.
Ya Allah, I hope nothing's bad happen.
Today is my first day attachment for foodservice. Punya la neves sebab hotak mmg blur bab2 foodservice. clinical pon fail. apa la skill yg aku ada sebenarnya.
One word. Agak STRESS ye di sini. I didn't expect that I will still handle clinical here instead of foodservice alone. Aku baru daydreaming nak enjoy sebab hanya "foodservice". No need to use hotak, just use keringat. tapi, what will happened we never know. sob, sob..
Dah la ketua jabatan mmg sgt baik dgn member aku yg attach kat sini before. Jeles melihat org yg pandai bergaul dan rapat dgn org lain. sedangkan aku, susah sgt nk mesra dgn org. urgh..stress di situ.
Dah la skill clinical x tip top jugak. tension bila akan di compare kan dgn org lain. Mereka best student, while I'm not.
Sorry to say that I didn't like how lecturer or whoever that assigned us for our placement for food service. Nampak sgt cam discrimination. Yes, I know that I'm not the best....
Sedih bila memikirkan..aku sgt berharap aku boleh jadi positive person. Bila kat depan org, aku yg galakkan mereka be positive. But, instead in my mind..it was really damn hard to be a positive person. Yes, it was one of the reason why I felt really suffocated right now. Feel like crying but there's no tears. "Open your mind" But, I don't know on how to open my mind. Enjoy the practical life. But, I don't know the exact way to enjoy it. Do not compare our self with others. But, people still keep comparing us with others.
"Don't be stress. Just go on with your life. No matter how good you're perform..no matter how best your placement was. Once you graduated later, only luck and rezeki from Allah that will make your different from others" - Super super senior.
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