Hari yang tension!

Dear diary,

Hari ni, ak tension sgt!

First, sbb kena lecture ngn kami punya lecturer. Many of them said our batch is lack of initiative to learn! Yes, I admit it. Aku malas sgt nk belajar. xtahu la kenapa. kalau boleh nk enjoy je memanjang. hurm. praktikal tinggal lagi sebulan dan ak x ready satu habuk pon. macam mana neh? ok. ak xtahu nk kata apa.

Second, ak bengang betol la kalo ada org pinjam brg ak dan x pulangkan. haih. bengang seyh. tahu la ak  tgh saving neh, nk beli balik barang yg korang hilangkan tuh..tensen weyh!macam2 ragam manusia neh. tensen!

Dear Diary,

The sentence above is really describing  myself enough. Back then, I did not know anything about myself. When I thought myself like this, like this, but, in the people's eye, they thought I was like that, like that. I always thought I was cheerful person and approachable. But, I did not even have any close friends around me. I always thought I had smiley face. But, people always ask me to smile. I did not realize that I actually had that kind of "sour" expression. HOHO. People may seen me as talkative, cheerful.. but they did not know what I actually had in my heart. I always trying to keep cheerful in front of people, so that they can't even sense my sadness. I didn't want them to know my sad side of my life. That's how I behaved for my life. Yes. When I had problem, I was kind of hesitating to express my thought and emotion to others. Because I can't trust people easily. I did not know why. But, that's the way I am. And, while solving my problem. I cried silently. Dear diary, I hope I could change my behavior, I will learn to express myself and build trust for others.

Happy Mothers Day.

To my mum, Jawahei bt Mat Zin.
I am sorry that I can't be a good daughter.
Today, I sent you a text " Selamat Hari Ibu^^ I love U So Much! Then, u called me right away u received my text. That time, I cried because I missed u so much. I felt guilty for what I had done to you. I am not someone who can easily express my emotion to people. But, deep in my heart, I want you to know that, Mum, I love u sooooooo much. Thanks for raise me up. I know that u always pampered me. I did not appreciate your love as much as u gave me since I was a kid. Now that, I know U are the best mum in the world.

Because I tend to forget the memory happened in my life, I want to write it down here whenever I remember something.

*Teringat bila kecik2 dulu*
First story: kena kejar keliling dengan penyapu lidi bila aku selalu kacau adik aku. Punya la takot, aku lari pecut 100 meter. Lepas tu, ma aku pon xdapat la kejar aku sebab aku lari dah macam Usain Bolt. Pastu, sampai la aku sorok dalam toilet sebab xnak bagi ma aku tangkap aku. Then, dah lama2 tu baru la aku kluar dan ma aku pon buat dek je. *fuh! naseb bek* tapi, ak lupa either aku kena pukul ke or kena marah lepas tu. neh la masalah aku. Dementia tak bertempat. asek lupe jek.

Second Story: dulu kecik2, adik aku, Ikhram suka la nangis2, buat hal. pastu, satu malam dia nangis kat luar rumah. then, xnak masok rumah. pastu aku dan mak aku buat satu plan. okeh. done planning. so, kami dua orang pakai kain semayang dan pegi luar rumah buat bunyi2 hantu...eeeeeiiiiiii...euuuuuuuuu. menangis adik aku mintak nak msok dalam rumah. hah. baru dia tahu takot. neh, kalo x, dok je nangis kat luar. x sangka ma aku lawak rupenyer. boleh plan nak jadi hantu semata-mata nk takotkan adik aku punya pasal. hehe.

Third story:  aku kecik2 dulu memang spoil brat habis. anak manja walaupun anak sulung. dan aku suka la sangat ikot ma aku bila dia nak p mana-mana. ada satu hari, ma aku nk g kedai. pastu dia pegi tanpa bawak aku. hah, apa lagi. aku mengamuk la sampai menangis-nangis, meraung-raung nk itot. nak itot! tapi, ma aku still x bawak. ak pon dah give up menangis. then, ak masok rumah. ak revenge! ak bukak tv kuat2 sampai bergegar satu rumah dgn niat aku nak rosakkan tv. amek kau tv!padan muka! naseb bek la tv tu x rosak. then, ak lupa lagi apa yg berlaku. ak rasa ma aku xtau kot kejadian aku pasang volume kuat2 tu sbb dia dah blah awal2 mls nk lyn ak.naseb bek.

Fourth story: setiap kali aku merajuk je, ak mesti terpikir nak mati la. dahsyat giler. haih, apa la nak jadi. yela, aku pikir, kalo aku mati, mesti ma aku sedih. hah. padan muke. betapa bodohnya aku kecik2 dulu even skrg pon xde la cerdik mana. haha. yang paling dahsyat, ak pernah pikir nk lari dari rumah setiap kali ak merajuk. kalo ma aku x layan ak, ak siap buat scene lagi. kemas-kemas baju. macam nak lari dari rumah. pastu mak aku still buat dek je. aku pon sedih. äsal la ma neh xpujok2 pon kite??gerammmnya. then, ak pikir, kalo aku lari dari rumah, aku nak g dok mane. xkan dalam hutan kot. ada jugak jadi makanan binatang buas. haiyoo. pastu, bila aku pikir masak2 lagi, baru la ak xjadi nak lari dari rumah. ak pon insap la. da xguna cara tu lagi. lagipon ma ak bukan kesah pon. dia buat dek je. maybe dia dah tahu kot ak xkan lari punya. haih. naifnya aku zaman budak2. 

Fifth story: neh yang paling terharu. bila aku form 3, aku dapat result gempak la jugak. 8A1B. time tu bulan 12, kat tempat ak musim hujan. then, kampung aku plak banjir. even ak pegi amek result pon, time balek tu terpaksa mengharungi air sungai yang dah melimpah-ruah. dahsyat. betapa trajisnya hidop aku. nasib la x dibawa arus slip result PMR aku. Time tu ma aku pon tersekat, dan xboleh balek rumah. so, dia tumpang kat rumah sedara ak. bila aku bangun2 pagi dan hujan pon dah reda, aku tgk ma aku ada kat depan mata. Dia kejot aku dan terus peluk cium aku. tergamam aku. apa ma neh nak cium2 plak. rupanya dia terharu sebab result ak bagus. hurm. ma, i did a good job because of you. I'm really happy if it makes u proud of me. 

setakat tu la yang aku boleh ingat cerita pasal ma aku. Dear diary, nanti bila aku ingat cerita aku, aku story kat hang lagi ya, diary.

Dear Diary,

I need a true friend!
A true friend that can advice me when I did something wrong.
A true friend that can hear my problem.
A true friend that can share my happiness, my  hardness.
A true friend that can accept me the way I am.
A true friend that can understand me when there is nobody can understand me.
A true friend that can bring e]me to the right way.