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Saturday, April 27, 2013

Tersepit

guess what, semalam ak pergi seremban. tempat yg sebenarnya ak xnak jejak lagi. I already wanna forget all bad memories there. But, it came out again. :(

Kau tahu betapa tersepitnya ak.. ak yang introvert dan memang sumpah giler xpandai nk bergaul dgn org..rasa macam terpinggir giler bila tengok kawan-kawan yg boleh rapat dgn "someone" who is their pangkat of course la lagi tinggi dari ak ni.. just a student..Like bestfriend.. they can interact with each other. Tambah tersepit bila jumpa dgn "someone" yg penah ad krisis dgn ak. 

It's ok..walaupun "dia" xpandang ak langsung..and ak pon xtahu isi hati dia kan..ak dah minta maaf..so, it's up to her la whether dia nk maafkan ak dengan seikhlas hati dia ke x. dan tambah tersepit pulak bila "orang lain" yang tahu tragedi tu dok pandang-pandang ak. Ak mmg xpaham..Tapi, ak kuatkan hati, keep my head up..fake the smile..join the meeting eventhough I said nothing. 
 **adakah kawan2 ak tahu pasal tragedi tu??ak xsure wei..ak buat senyap je, xnak heboh. ;(

And ak bukan jenis org yg baik..I mean, kalau ak xberapa gemar org tu..ak xkan rapat dan buat2 baik dgn dia. better ak jauhkan diri..rather than being "talam dua muka". Kat dpn kau baik, kat belakang mengata punya xhengat. which one is better? Bagi ak la, baik ak lupakan je org tu. Maafkan semua salah silap..then lupakan everything about them. so, kira dah settle. Tapi, yg part nk lupakan tu..susah sebenarnya. Its better when we hurt outside, sebab luka tu kita boleh nampak..then bole sapu ubat..tapi, bila hurt inside especially heart..mana nak sapu ubat..it will heals as time goes, but the scar will remains inside forever. 

To change susah kan? sebab ak dah memang mcm ni sejak kecil. Kalau boleh rapat pon, dgn kawan2 je. kalau dgn org yg pangkatnya lagi tinggi..ak rasa mcm ad gap and barrier segala bagai. Memang xbole..and ak pon ad ego sendiri.. ak xbole rapat dgn org yg dah rapat dgn org lain.. lagi la tersepit kalo mcm tu..

Even dgn kawan sendiri pon..ak jenis yang jealous and sensitive jugak sebenarnya..bila dorang keluar tanpa ak dan x inform ak lgsg pon..ak jadi sedih. Memang ak sgt sensitive..tapi, sekarang dah improve a lot sebab ak try to act cool. Do not bother about small matter. 

Bila ak pikir2 balik..did they will remember me? Ak ni kawan yg baik x? Walaupun kadang2 ak annoying. but, did they feel hurt with my annoying part?

Confusing, but do not bother 'bout that. 

**********if you happened to know me and read this..zip your mouth, ok :)**********

Thursday, April 25, 2013

honeymoon phase =_=

huwahuwahuwahuwahuwa...
sudah lama tak menjenguk ke belog ini..ada lagi rupanya..hikhik

yeay..sekarang hidup aku sgt bersenang-lenang.. rutin harian: tido..bangun..mandi..pergi beli makanan kat kafe..balik rumah bukak lappy..main game..meng'telaah' phone..tidor balik sampai laa pagi..heaven..heaven...dah practice untuk tanam anggur dah bila dah habis belaja nanti. ;p

orang cakap.."bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian". Tapi, aku terbalik dah ni. Bersenang-senang like orang gilak, kesudahannya..haiz..xtahu la. it's gonna be a disaster @#$% nauzubillah...mintak jauh..shush..shush..

bila banyak waktu free, maka banyakla masa ak berpoya-poya..sebelum ni liat sangat nk baca novel..maka, at this moment..ak dah berjaya habiskan 2 novel.. punya nk gila ak khatamkan novel ni..adoiyai.. 

rutin lain adalah usha org kat FB..hakhakhakahak.. woah, rupa-rupanya bagus jugak ad laman sosial ni..dpt tahu perkembangan org lain.. banyak kawan dan senior yg ak kenal time kat maktab ak dulu dah kawen..cayala wei..xsangka kan..dah tua rupanya ak ni..tapi, perangai still x berubah..

the most happening thingy is bila dapat lepak dgn bestie..seronok gila nak mamp wes..sebab ak sedar, bila dah habis belaja..sah-sah susah nk jumpa..kalau jumpa pon xtahu la bole lagi nk jadi gila-gila mcm skrg..hope it could be.. 

haha..ak dah dpt imagine dah..bila jumpa nanti..mesti semua org dah beranak-pinak..bahagia dgn hidup masing2..hopefully. :)

tetiba rasa mcm sedih. ;(.. we never know what kind of life that awaits us ahead. huhu. takut.. takut kalau xdapat kerja..takut kalau xdapat jumpa MR.RIGHT..takut untuk berkeluarga.. takut untuk menghadapi pelbagai cabaran yg menanti. 

for now: just enjoy this moment while it lasts. ok, cheer up! :)

Love, 
Ayu 

Saturday, April 6, 2013

My clinical attachment was ended.

5/4/13..
Tarikh keramat di mana berakhirnya my clinical attachment. A lot of things I wanna write, but It can't be expressed by words. Some will be remained in my heart. Done with presentation..I always do not care much about my performance. Slightly, I felt really disappointing with myself. Always take things for granted. 

I just wanna wrap up everything beautifully. My title here is skema one. I don't care about that. I'll try my best to change it into something good. Try to think critically and out of the box. 

There were lessons I've learned for my lifetime. Some sweet memories to be kept deep into my heart. Some bitter memories to be forgotten but, at the same time take it as a lesson. Try to be positive. Believe in myself. Be sociable, loving and caring. Proactive, hardworking.

THere's a lot of things I need to change for my own good. It will takes time. Not sure how long it's gonna take.. but, should I try it?

There were ups and downs....is this how life going on? Let's be strong..I've been through more than halfway of this journey... :) 

Congrats to me and my friends! We all have gone through all of hardship. Congrat! CoNGRAT! Congrat!

Now, I can smile happily.. (*_______________________________________*)

Monday, April 1, 2013

Dream comes true!

woah! this is my final week for clinical attachment. seronok! seronok! disebabkan seronok, ak telah membelanjakan duit ak yg sekarangnya tinggal hanya beberapa sen sahaja. NOOB...

Tapi, berbaloi what..ad rebate RM200..haha, ak dah guna da...

THEN, HERE IS MY PRESENT FOR MYSELF FOR ACCOMPLISHING CLINICAL ATTACHMENT...AFTER ALL THOSE BAD AND GOOD EXPERIENCES!