Kau tahu betapa tersepitnya ak.. ak yang introvert dan memang sumpah giler xpandai nk bergaul dgn org..rasa macam terpinggir giler bila tengok kawan-kawan yg boleh rapat dgn "someone" who is their pangkat of course la lagi tinggi dari ak ni.. just a student..Like bestfriend.. they can interact with each other. Tambah tersepit bila jumpa dgn "someone" yg penah ad krisis dgn ak.
It's ok..walaupun "dia" xpandang ak langsung..and ak pon xtahu isi hati dia kan..ak dah minta maaf..so, it's up to her la whether dia nk maafkan ak dengan seikhlas hati dia ke x. dan tambah tersepit pulak bila "orang lain" yang tahu tragedi tu dok pandang-pandang ak. Ak mmg xpaham..Tapi, ak kuatkan hati, keep my head up..fake the smile..join the meeting eventhough I said nothing.
**adakah kawan2 ak tahu pasal tragedi tu??ak xsure wei..ak buat senyap je, xnak heboh. ;(
And ak bukan jenis org yg baik..I mean, kalau ak xberapa gemar org tu..ak xkan rapat dan buat2 baik dgn dia. better ak jauhkan diri..rather than being "talam dua muka". Kat dpn kau baik, kat belakang mengata punya xhengat. which one is better? Bagi ak la, baik ak lupakan je org tu. Maafkan semua salah silap..then lupakan everything about them. so, kira dah settle. Tapi, yg part nk lupakan tu..susah sebenarnya. Its better when we hurt outside, sebab luka tu kita boleh nampak..then bole sapu ubat..tapi, bila hurt inside especially heart..mana nak sapu ubat..it will heals as time goes, but the scar will remains inside forever.
To change susah kan? sebab ak dah memang mcm ni sejak kecil. Kalau boleh rapat pon, dgn kawan2 je. kalau dgn org yg pangkatnya lagi tinggi..ak rasa mcm ad gap and barrier segala bagai. Memang xbole..and ak pon ad ego sendiri.. ak xbole rapat dgn org yg dah rapat dgn org lain.. lagi la tersepit kalo mcm tu..
Even dgn kawan sendiri pon..ak jenis yang jealous and sensitive jugak sebenarnya..bila dorang keluar tanpa ak dan x inform ak lgsg pon..ak jadi sedih. Memang ak sgt sensitive..tapi, sekarang dah improve a lot sebab ak try to act cool. Do not bother about small matter.
Bila ak pikir2 balik..did they will remember me? Ak ni kawan yg baik x? Walaupun kadang2 ak annoying. but, did they feel hurt with my annoying part?
Confusing, but do not bother 'bout that.
**********if you happened to know me and read this..zip your mouth, ok :)**********
if you happened to know me and read this..zip your mouth, ok :)
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