I really thought too much..
When I think about it back, it's actually my fault. It was my stupid act that hurts everyone around me. I feel really bad..and I don't know how to recover it back to normal. SORRY is not able to bring everything back to normal. I feel bad to my friends who always supporting me. My family..which I also don't know whether I can repay all of their sacrifices to me or not.
Yes, everyone had ups and downs in life. I think this time is gonna be mine. Just follow what others said..
" Don't think too much, be strong! Everything will be alright in the end, smile."
" Memaafkan lagi senang dari simpan dalam hati..Forgive, forget and keep moving forward. Be cool as I always be."
Seremban, 11.45pm 27/3/13
Sometimes, I keep my feeling to myself because it's so hard for others to understand it!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
BAD LUCK
Ya Allah, susahnya nk menghadapi dugaan ni...please, keep me strong.
The first two weeks, my life here seems to be easier than anyone. Sebab aku dpt tmpt yg sama. xperlu masa utk adapt or kenal org di sekeliling ak. Tapi, apa yg berlaku..sebaliknya..
Ya, ak admit yg ak dah buat kesalahan besar dlm hidup. Ak xpatut buat benda tu. Bole tersalah send mesej..tapi, ak dah minta maaf dan rasa sangat bersalah. Today, as I expected..it became awkward between "us". And the bad thing is..it's also affects my friends. I felt guilty for that for the whole of my life..really. ;(
No one back me up. Even, boss..I really felt suffocated here.
And bad thing added to my worse luck..my home was robbed.
Ya Allah. Dugaan yg kau berikan...tabahkan lah hati aku, keluarga dan kawan-kawan ak. ;(
The first two weeks, my life here seems to be easier than anyone. Sebab aku dpt tmpt yg sama. xperlu masa utk adapt or kenal org di sekeliling ak. Tapi, apa yg berlaku..sebaliknya..
Ya, ak admit yg ak dah buat kesalahan besar dlm hidup. Ak xpatut buat benda tu. Bole tersalah send mesej..tapi, ak dah minta maaf dan rasa sangat bersalah. Today, as I expected..it became awkward between "us". And the bad thing is..it's also affects my friends. I felt guilty for that for the whole of my life..really. ;(
No one back me up. Even, boss..I really felt suffocated here.
And bad thing added to my worse luck..my home was robbed.
Ya Allah. Dugaan yg kau berikan...tabahkan lah hati aku, keluarga dan kawan-kawan ak. ;(
Thursday, January 24, 2013
buhsan =_=
hooooo..dah lama x memberontak di sini.
byk benda berlaku, byk yg dipendam..byk benda yg terpaksa dipikirkan..dunia, dunia..
first worst thing for 2013 is TEAR. I really hate cry, tapi..sebab aku manja, yes..need to admit it..mmg manja, bila kena sikit..nangis, nangis..;(
yesterday is the worst day for me. org lain sedang happy dok buat foodservice, aku dok nangis kat sini. that darn pakcik, berani serang aku time aku tgh bagi talk. agak-agak la pakcik. kalau pakcik tnya soklan psl talk yg saya bagi..saya xkesah..tapi, pakcik dok tanya soklan yg saya xboleh nk jawab dan bahas dgn pakcik. pakcik nk complain, xpayah nk complain dkt saya. saya STUDENT je pakcik, saya xboleh buat hape-hape kalau pkcik complain kat saya. tetiba pakcik xpuas hati dgn kerajaan, pakcik luah kat saya. pakcik ingat saya ni ahli politik ke hape. saya makan gaji dgn kerajaan pon x. saya hanya diberi biasiswa untuk melanjutkan pelajaran. saya xsuka bila pakcik tanya soklan berbaur politik..sebab saya anti-politik. dan saya xnak hamek tahu walau sebesar zarah pon pasal itu. saya xkesah lah org nk ckp saya bodoh ke hape, duduk dlm dunia sendiri ke hape.. saya xkesah. we never know who's right and wrong. DUNIA...
bila pakcik serang saya dpn ramai2 org, sya tergamam..sy xtahu nk jawab mcm mana..pada awalnya confident level saya menggunung, selepas tragedi tu sehingga saat akhir talk diberi..saya tabahkan hati, tahan dan lawan perasaan sedih saya..teruskan bagi talk walaupun suara dah mula sebak..saya sabar..walaupun mata saya dah berair tunggu saat air mata nk mengalir je..bila keluar dari bilik tu je, air mata saya terus mengalir..mcm air terjun pakcik.. sampai teresak-esak saya nangis sebab pakcik..pakcik org kedua yg saya ingat pernah buat saya nangis teresak-esak sampai mcm tu.
pakcik tahu..hati saya ni rapuh pakcik. kalau kena marah, perli, ejek..saya xmampu nk terima semua tu. pakcik dah rosakkan mood saya for the whole day. sampai bila saya nk tido malam pon, saya masih ingat apa mcm mana pakcik serang saya tu..bila saya nk cerita dekat boss, dia pulak mcm xberapa nk layan cerita saya. itu lagi buat saya frustrated teramat sangaaaat.
mcm mana saya nk cerita dkt org, nak try percaya dkt org bila x seorg pon yg sudi untuk pinjamkan telinga mereka untuk saya. setakat dengar sahaja tetapi tidak memahami pon xmemadai. DUNIA.. MEMANG LAH..
byk benda berlaku, byk yg dipendam..byk benda yg terpaksa dipikirkan..dunia, dunia..
first worst thing for 2013 is TEAR. I really hate cry, tapi..sebab aku manja, yes..need to admit it..mmg manja, bila kena sikit..nangis, nangis..;(
yesterday is the worst day for me. org lain sedang happy dok buat foodservice, aku dok nangis kat sini. that darn pakcik, berani serang aku time aku tgh bagi talk. agak-agak la pakcik. kalau pakcik tnya soklan psl talk yg saya bagi..saya xkesah..tapi, pakcik dok tanya soklan yg saya xboleh nk jawab dan bahas dgn pakcik. pakcik nk complain, xpayah nk complain dkt saya. saya STUDENT je pakcik, saya xboleh buat hape-hape kalau pkcik complain kat saya. tetiba pakcik xpuas hati dgn kerajaan, pakcik luah kat saya. pakcik ingat saya ni ahli politik ke hape. saya makan gaji dgn kerajaan pon x. saya hanya diberi biasiswa untuk melanjutkan pelajaran. saya xsuka bila pakcik tanya soklan berbaur politik..sebab saya anti-politik. dan saya xnak hamek tahu walau sebesar zarah pon pasal itu. saya xkesah lah org nk ckp saya bodoh ke hape, duduk dlm dunia sendiri ke hape.. saya xkesah. we never know who's right and wrong. DUNIA...
bila pakcik serang saya dpn ramai2 org, sya tergamam..sy xtahu nk jawab mcm mana..pada awalnya confident level saya menggunung, selepas tragedi tu sehingga saat akhir talk diberi..saya tabahkan hati, tahan dan lawan perasaan sedih saya..teruskan bagi talk walaupun suara dah mula sebak..saya sabar..walaupun mata saya dah berair tunggu saat air mata nk mengalir je..bila keluar dari bilik tu je, air mata saya terus mengalir..mcm air terjun pakcik.. sampai teresak-esak saya nangis sebab pakcik..pakcik org kedua yg saya ingat pernah buat saya nangis teresak-esak sampai mcm tu.
pakcik tahu..hati saya ni rapuh pakcik. kalau kena marah, perli, ejek..saya xmampu nk terima semua tu. pakcik dah rosakkan mood saya for the whole day. sampai bila saya nk tido malam pon, saya masih ingat apa mcm mana pakcik serang saya tu..bila saya nk cerita dekat boss, dia pulak mcm xberapa nk layan cerita saya. itu lagi buat saya frustrated teramat sangaaaat.
mcm mana saya nk cerita dkt org, nak try percaya dkt org bila x seorg pon yg sudi untuk pinjamkan telinga mereka untuk saya. setakat dengar sahaja tetapi tidak memahami pon xmemadai. DUNIA.. MEMANG LAH..
Monday, January 7, 2013
It's suffocated, u know!
aaarrgghh..i don't know why I felt so suffocated right now. x sedap hati gila. entah kenapa..
Ya Allah, I hope nothing's bad happen.
Today is my first day attachment for foodservice. Punya la neves sebab hotak mmg blur bab2 foodservice. clinical pon fail. apa la skill yg aku ada sebenarnya.
One word. Agak STRESS ye di sini. I didn't expect that I will still handle clinical here instead of foodservice alone. Aku baru daydreaming nak enjoy sebab hanya "foodservice". No need to use hotak, just use keringat. tapi, what will happened we never know. sob, sob..
Dah la ketua jabatan mmg sgt baik dgn member aku yg attach kat sini before. Jeles melihat org yg pandai bergaul dan rapat dgn org lain. sedangkan aku, susah sgt nk mesra dgn org. urgh..stress di situ.
Dah la skill clinical x tip top jugak. tension bila akan di compare kan dgn org lain. Mereka best student, while I'm not.
Sorry to say that I didn't like how lecturer or whoever that assigned us for our placement for food service. Nampak sgt cam discrimination. Yes, I know that I'm not the best....
Sedih bila memikirkan..aku sgt berharap aku boleh jadi positive person. Bila kat depan org, aku yg galakkan mereka be positive. But, instead in my mind..it was really damn hard to be a positive person. Yes, it was one of the reason why I felt really suffocated right now. Feel like crying but there's no tears. "Open your mind" But, I don't know on how to open my mind. Enjoy the practical life. But, I don't know the exact way to enjoy it. Do not compare our self with others. But, people still keep comparing us with others.
"Don't be stress. Just go on with your life. No matter how good you're perform..no matter how best your placement was. Once you graduated later, only luck and rezeki from Allah that will make your different from others" - Super super senior.
Ya Allah, I hope nothing's bad happen.
Today is my first day attachment for foodservice. Punya la neves sebab hotak mmg blur bab2 foodservice. clinical pon fail. apa la skill yg aku ada sebenarnya.
One word. Agak STRESS ye di sini. I didn't expect that I will still handle clinical here instead of foodservice alone. Aku baru daydreaming nak enjoy sebab hanya "foodservice". No need to use hotak, just use keringat. tapi, what will happened we never know. sob, sob..
Dah la ketua jabatan mmg sgt baik dgn member aku yg attach kat sini before. Jeles melihat org yg pandai bergaul dan rapat dgn org lain. sedangkan aku, susah sgt nk mesra dgn org. urgh..stress di situ.
Dah la skill clinical x tip top jugak. tension bila akan di compare kan dgn org lain. Mereka best student, while I'm not.
Sorry to say that I didn't like how lecturer or whoever that assigned us for our placement for food service. Nampak sgt cam discrimination. Yes, I know that I'm not the best....
Sedih bila memikirkan..aku sgt berharap aku boleh jadi positive person. Bila kat depan org, aku yg galakkan mereka be positive. But, instead in my mind..it was really damn hard to be a positive person. Yes, it was one of the reason why I felt really suffocated right now. Feel like crying but there's no tears. "Open your mind" But, I don't know on how to open my mind. Enjoy the practical life. But, I don't know the exact way to enjoy it. Do not compare our self with others. But, people still keep comparing us with others.
"Don't be stress. Just go on with your life. No matter how good you're perform..no matter how best your placement was. Once you graduated later, only luck and rezeki from Allah that will make your different from others" - Super super senior.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
my 22nd birthday
dgn lafaz syukur..Alhamdulillah, ya Allah. aku masih lagi bernyawa sehingga ke saat ini. Sudeh 22 tahun rupanya aku kat dunia ni. ngeh3~
As usual, nothing special happened on my birthday. dan aku bukanlah jenis yg celebrate birthday mcm org lain..siap partyyyy.xde nya weyh. baru beberapa kali je aku celebrate birthday. naif x? xpon. muahahaha.
Dulu, celebrate birthday pon setakat tukar2 hadiah ngn kawan aku je, Emi. Sebab birthday dia dekat2 dgn aku, 18/12. Selalunya birthday kami jatuh pada hari cuti sekolah. Jadi, time tu ktorang akan jumpa dan bagi hadiah kat masing2. sweet je.. :)
Then, dekat matrix sekali. Kawan aku, Timah ngan Ika put a prank on me. Depa siap buat masterplan ngn roomate aku, Zetty, Husna and Niza baling telur + minyak kat muka aku. Habes bau telur melekat kat badan aku 3 bulan. Overrr kau...terharu sampai nak nangis. HAHA
Dekat U pon sekali jugak celebrate. My dearest housemate, Erk, Ana, Rene, Fariha and Ain once again put a prank bila baling tepung, conteng kat KePop poster aku. Dan dapat Smurfette comelll! dorang sangat sporting. and I love them!
Dekat rumah pon sekali je celebrate. bila mak aku buat2 x ingat aku punya birthday. aku punya la sedih x hengat. tiba-tiba atas meja nampak ada kek. wow! aku terharu sampai berair mata. hehe
Terima kasih kepada yg masih mengingati diri aku ni. walaupun aku pon. kadang2 bukan nk ingat birthday org, harapkan Facebook je. walaupun xde celebration or what, cukup lah dgn wish yg mendoakan hidup aku dirahmati Allah selalu. aku harap korang pon sentiasa dirahmati Allah. AMMINN~
22 TAHUN. SATU TITIK BARU. WISH AKU, BIARLAH RAHSIA. HAHAHAHAHA
As usual, nothing special happened on my birthday. dan aku bukanlah jenis yg celebrate birthday mcm org lain..siap partyyyy.xde nya weyh. baru beberapa kali je aku celebrate birthday. naif x? xpon. muahahaha.
Dulu, celebrate birthday pon setakat tukar2 hadiah ngn kawan aku je, Emi. Sebab birthday dia dekat2 dgn aku, 18/12. Selalunya birthday kami jatuh pada hari cuti sekolah. Jadi, time tu ktorang akan jumpa dan bagi hadiah kat masing2. sweet je.. :)
Then, dekat matrix sekali. Kawan aku, Timah ngan Ika put a prank on me. Depa siap buat masterplan ngn roomate aku, Zetty, Husna and Niza baling telur + minyak kat muka aku. Habes bau telur melekat kat badan aku 3 bulan. Overrr kau...terharu sampai nak nangis. HAHA
Dekat U pon sekali jugak celebrate. My dearest housemate, Erk, Ana, Rene, Fariha and Ain once again put a prank bila baling tepung, conteng kat KePop poster aku. Dan dapat Smurfette comelll! dorang sangat sporting. and I love them!
Dekat rumah pon sekali je celebrate. bila mak aku buat2 x ingat aku punya birthday. aku punya la sedih x hengat. tiba-tiba atas meja nampak ada kek. wow! aku terharu sampai berair mata. hehe
Terima kasih kepada yg masih mengingati diri aku ni. walaupun aku pon. kadang2 bukan nk ingat birthday org, harapkan Facebook je. walaupun xde celebration or what, cukup lah dgn wish yg mendoakan hidup aku dirahmati Allah selalu. aku harap korang pon sentiasa dirahmati Allah. AMMINN~
22 TAHUN. SATU TITIK BARU. WISH AKU, BIARLAH RAHSIA. HAHAHAHAHA
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